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#314: How to Say No Without Guilt: The 20-Minute Mindset Shift That Changed 1,500 Women
Episode Summary
1,500 women showed up to a free masterclass. I asked one question: what’s the one thing you wish you’d said no to instead of yes?
The answers poured in. The volunteer role you no longer have capacity for. The mom who calls every single day. The friend whose invitations you already dread.
Then I asked how saying yes makes them feel. Anxious. Guilty. Behind. Resentful. Not enough.
We coached for 20 minutes. One skill. Then I asked again. Lighter. Relieved. Hopeful.
Nothing in their lives had changed. Same mom. Same husband. Same calendar.
The change was in their mindset.
I’ve taught marketing to farmers for decades. This is different. The Profitable Mindset Academy is for every woman, every age, every background. In this episode I open the doors, walk through the five phases, and answer the question I get most: isn’t spending time and money on myself selfish?
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
- Why 1,500 women felt lighter in 20 minutes without a single circumstance in their lives changing
- How releasing your expectations of other people protects your closest relationships, and what it did for Jen’s family
- Why “I don’t have time” is a solvable problem, and how women in my programs routinely find 10 to 20 hours a week
- My real answer to the question I get more than any other: isn’t investing in myself selfish?
Key Takeaways:
- Your Circumstances Are Not the Problem
Nothing changed for those 1,500 women in 20 minutes. Same relationships, same obligations, same inbox. What shifted was their thinking, and that shift is what made them feel better. You do not have to wait for your life to get easier before you feel better in it. - Expectations Are the Silent Relationship Killer
Jen spent years disappointed because people kept being themselves instead of who she needed them to be. When she released those expectations, her two grown kids became her closest friends. She says a few more months of holding on would have cost her both relationships. - Giving to Yourself Is How You Give to Everyone Else
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Every woman who has invested time in these skills tells me the same thing: it spilled over. Her kids got a more present mom. Her family got the real her. Investing in yourself is the opposite of selfish.
Memorable Quotes
“She finally found that she didn’t have to earn her rest.”
“This work is the opposite of selfish.”
“I used to believe life happened to me. Now I create what I want in life.”
FAQ
Q: What is the Profitable Mindset Academy?
A 12-month self-coaching program teaching 20 skills across five phases: self-awareness, feelings, relationships, becoming, and rewriting your past.
Q: Who is it for?
Every woman, every age, every walk of life. I have coached women from age 17 to their late 70s: stay-at-home moms, widows, business owners, retirees, students. This is not a farming program and it is not a business program. If you have a mind, it is for you.
Q: How much time does it take?
About one to two hours a week. Video lessons run 20 to 30 minutes and you watch at your own pace.
Q: What happens on the weekly call?
Live coaching every Thursday at 10am Pacific on Zoom, plus a private podcast replay for every session. Every call is recorded. You can submit a coaching request ahead of time and hear it answered in the replay.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
- The Profitable Mindset Academy – Open to all women, all ages, all backgrounds. If you are tired of the 3am spiral, the guilt after every yes, and the sense that everyone else gets the best of you, this is the room. Twelve months of self-coaching skills, weekly live coaching, and a nourishing community of women doing the same work. Investment and payment plans are on the page. Doors close Friday, August 21st at midnight Eastern. Join at charlottemsmith.com/coaching
- Free 30-Minute Strategy Call – Not sure if the Academy is for you? My daughter Hayden and our coach Rebecca have opened their calendars this week: charlottemsmith.com/meet
About the Host
Charlotte Smith is a farm marketing coach, podcast host, and the founder of The Profitable Farmer. She’s a 5th generation farmer, now supporting the 6th, together. Charlotte coaches approximately 300 farmers per year across the United States and 15 other countries, helping them shift from selling-out-but-broke to genuinely profitable through clear branding and customer-focused marketing.
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Chat with us to see if The Profitable Mindset Academy is right for you.
Hey there, welcome back to the Profitable Mindset Podcast. I’m Charlotte Smith, and I am recording
this the morning after one of the most meaningful days of my life.
Yesterday, I taught a free masterclass. to about 1,500 women who,
for the last few weeks, I’ve been asking you all to text over the one thing you wish you’d said no
to instead of yes. And I got hundreds of replies from many of you.
You’re saying yes to volunteering that you no longer have the capacity to do,
but you still find yourself saying yes. One woman says she says yes to her mom who asks her every
day to help with things she wished she’d said no to. And another woman said she wishes she knew how
to say no to certain friends, certain invitations from certain friends. And then we went on on the
class to, I had them share their negative emotions from all these years.
What’s going on when they say yes, when they really wish they could say no, how’s it make them
feel? And we got anxious and guilty. behind, feels like not enough,
feels overwhelmed, feels obligated, resentful, angry, so many things.
Then I went on to teach them the most important coaching skill I teach.
We did one round of it together and maybe took about 20 minutes. And I asked again,
what do you feel now? And the chat filled up. They felt lighter. They felt relieved.
They felt hopeful. And notice that nothing in their lives changed in those 20 minutes in their
external circumstances. They had the same lives, the same friends, the same mom, the same husbands
and kids and bank accounts, the same people. But the change was in their mindset,
their response, their thought, their reaction, and how they made themselves feel when they learned
the skill I taught was more useful and productive. They felt better.
That’s the skill. Then I did the thing I’ve been waiting 25 years to do.
I opened the doors to the Profitable Mindset Academy. I’ll share with you what the academy is,
why it exists, and how to know if it’s for you. And I wanted to start with why this moment matters
so much to me. For years, women have asked me in emails and messages at my speaking events,
Charlotte, when will you teach us the coaching skills you use? Because you’ve heard it on this
podcast over and over. Woman after woman saying the mindset coaching I do changed her life in a
huge way. Women sharing that it’s changed every area of their life.
multiple autoimmune diseases and headaches and all kinds of physical issues. Although this is not a
medical program, but when you get your anxiety and your mindset under control, your health
improves, their overwhelm went away, anxiety and stress. gone, guilt and obligation relieved.
They finally feel fulfilled and like their life has purpose. And this is all women.
I’ve been teaching marketing to farmers for decades, but this work is open to all women of all
ages. So for many years, I thought, well, someday I’d love to teach these skills in surrounded in a
nourishing community. What I mean by that is you’re not just showing up to a formal logical
classroom. The coaching we do each week, you’ll hear more about it. I want it to be a nourishing
place for all women to come. All women, all ages, all backgrounds,
all walks of life. I have coached women for over a decade from ages 17 to their late 70s.
And every one of them has had such huge shifts. and successes in their life that I knew I had to
make these skills available to you too. And that’s the Academy, the Profitable Mindset Academy.
So it is a 12-month program. You’ll learn the coaching skills I use in my own coaching program,
and you will become the coach for your own life. There are 25 self-coaching skills I use.
They’ll all be taught by me in short video lessons. Each lesson is probably 20 to 30 minutes.
You have access to those recordings as soon as you sign up. And they’re organized across five
different phases. Self-awareness is first. We move on to feelings.
So we learn instead of just being bogged down by heavy emotions and trying to resist the anxiety
and stress, you learn how to deal with them. We cover relationships. One of the phases is called
becoming. It’s about who you’re becoming. The last phase is called rewriting your past.
If you have regrets, you beat yourself up, you’re going to learn how to learn from that and reframe
it so you feel better. We’ve all done things in our past we’re not proud of. or maybe we feel shame
about. And this is an amazing exercise that’ll help you with that and help you finally be free of
those chains that hold so many of us back, me included. All these videos, you watch them at your
own time, at your own pace. You might binge watch several if you got a lot of time, or you might
watch one a month. Doesn’t matter. You’ll be able to have the recordings and do it whenever you
want. In those phases, you’re going to learn how to set boundaries that people love and respect,
and you’ll do it in a way that feels good to you and them. You will stop,
you’ll learn how to stop having expectations of other people that they can never fulfill, but they
make you feel bad because you have these expectations. You’ll learn how to transform that, release
that. You’ll learn how to stop taking things personally. I can’t tell you how that’s changed my
life. You’ll learn how to manage your time in a way where you will find 10 to 20 hours in a week.
And again, these things are not theory. These things are the things my clients are telling me every
week in our program, in our private Facebook group. You will learn how to stop looping and spinning
on negative emotions like anger or frustration or anxiety or stress or worry.
Your health will improve. Your bank account will improve. Just so many things. And then this is the
heart of it. Every Thursday at 10 a.m. Pacific, we’re going to gather. together on a coaching call
live on Zoom if you can make it, or you join us in the replay if you can’t make it.
You’ll join with me or one of my expert coaches. It is a very safe and nourishing environment
during our hour together. I want it to be just a really loving, fulfilling,
nurturing space because You’re going to bring tender, vulnerable things.
You’re going to bring whatever struggle you’re dealing with, the conversation with your mother, or
the yes you wish was a no, or the 3 a.m. spiral, and we will coach on it using the skills you are
learning. If you can’t make it live, again, every call is recorded. It’s put on a private podcast
so you can listen while you’re driving or cooking or folding laundry. You can even submit a
coaching request ahead of time and I’ll coach on it in class so you can hear it on the replay.
Now, why a year? Why once a week? It’s gonna take practice to rewire your brain to do all these
things and react in a different way or respond in a different way. You’ve spent your lifetime
thinking and building a mindset that you’ve got right now. it’s going to take us some hours,
some weeks, months, and I give you a year so that we have all the time and space for you to rewire
your brain with our support. It’s a very nourishing and connected environment.
So you’re actually going to love showing up and fixing the mindset struggles that you’ve held onto
for so long. You’ll learn the skills that make you feel better and better each week.
And a year of this. means that they’ll become your new default. So you don’t actually,
from now on, you won’t just default to anxiety and reaction mode or anger or frustration.
You will feel better and you’ll think better and you will default to more positive,
useful reactions. Let me share with you what this work makes possible by sharing a few of my
clients. So my client, Jen. She spent more than 20 years as a stay-at-home mom of seven.
And when she got married, she gave away her rollerblades and her ballet shoes.
She was a semi-professional ballet dancer. But she believed that’s what a responsible wife does.
That was the message she’d been sent. She thought she had to give up what she wanted in order to
take care of her husband and family. She learned through coaching with me how to let go of her
expectations for others so that she wasn’t disappointed all the time when others acted differently.
What that specific skill means today is her two grown kids call her all the time. She says they’re
now her best friends. And then if she’d held on to her expectations for who they should be for just
even a few more months, she knows she would have pushed them both away and it would have been a
broken relationship. She went on to paint her front door the color she wanted.
She’s playing piano again. A few weeks ago, she bought herself a new pair of rollerblades.
She believes now that all of her dreams were placed inside of her. on purpose.
She’s in the Profitable Mindset Academy. You can go there and meet her and be inspired by her and
see her as an example of what’s possible for you too. I have another client,
Julie. She’s a mom. She was unexpectedly a widow and she raised her hand on a coaching call
recently because she was exhausted. And even two years later after her husband’s death,
she was feeling grief and she was telling herself she should be pushing through and getting all her
work done. We coached again for about 20 minutes and she found that it was okay for her to just let
herself rest and not do anything. She finally felt like she could let herself off the hook and not
be productive. She finally found that she didn’t have to earn her rest,
but she could be a person. who just needs to rest and heal in one of the hardest weeks of her year.
And that’s okay. That’s what having a coach in your corner every single week gives you. You stop
fighting against everything that’s going through your head. And instead you learn to relax into it,
which means you have more time, more energy, and you become more productive. Even when you learn,
you know, maybe the coaching that time that week is what you need as a rest, you actually become
more efficient and productive.
I know some of you might be thinking this because I hear it from others. Isn’t it selfish?
Should I really spend time and money on learning coaching skills? Shouldn’t that go to my family?
And please hear me. This work and my clients,
every single one of them, thousands of women over the years will tell you, this work is the
opposite of selfish. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Every woman I’ve…
discovers the same thing. The time she invested in herself to learn and practice these skills
changed her life and it spilled over into her family. Everyone got…
in a better version. She was more fulfilled. And that made everyone around her have a much better
life. Her kids got a more present mom. Her husband got a wife who wanted to be there. And everyone
around her got more of the real her than they’d ever have before. And her new time management
skills spilled over into her family too. Giving to yourself is when you’re finally able to give
back to your family and friends and your community around you. Okay, so here are all the details.
You can read much more about it at charlottemsmith.com forward slash coaching.
The investment, the payment plan are on that link. Every member also gets as a free bonus,
my complete time management course. It’s called Master Your Time, Master Your Life. That’s included
immediately from day one, the moment you join. There are nine short videos in there. And women
routinely tell me, regularly, consistently, they find 10 to 20 hours. They get those hours back in
their week, every week, once they go through this program. So if for some reason you’re telling
yourself, I don’t have time for this, that’s fixed. We fix it before we even start. The whole
program, you can expect to spend about one to two hours a week. And you will want to tune in for
that hour on Thursdays, whether it’s live or in the replay, because that’s going to be the most
nourishing hour of your week. You will feel so full of life and love and energy just because of our
time spent together. Even if you’re just sitting there listening to others be coached live or in
the replay, you’re going to feel nourished and nurtured. All right, doors close Friday,
August 21st at midnight Pacific. No, sorry, midnight Eastern, 9 p.m.
Pacific. Our first class together is Thursday, August 27th. And again,
you get immediate access to the coaching skills and the time management class. You can binge watch
all you want before we meet Thursday, the 27th. You can renew your access. I have women who have
now coached with me for seven or eight or nine or even 10 years because this work compounds.
So they come back year after year. If you’re not sure about this and you want to talk with someone
privately, my daughter Hayden and our coach Rebecca have opened their calendars this week for free
30-minute calls. You can sign up for one of those calls and talk to them at charlottemsmith.com
forward slash strategy. They’ll help you sort out whether the academy is right for you.
If it’s not, they’ll share that with you too. All right. If you already know, go sign up.
charlottemsmith.com forward slash coaching. Join us. We start next week. You’ve been asking me for
this for years and it’s here. It’s open to all women of all ages until Friday night at midnight
Eastern. A month from now or six months from now, and especially a year from now,
imagine all the possibilities you’ll have created. Every area of your life will improve and feel
better. I’m talking your moods, your ability to deal with other people, your bank account and
health will improve. I know this because of all the things women tell me every week in our Facebook
group. It’s happening to them and it’ll happen for you too. You’ll feel more joy, more love,
more self-respect, more confidence. Just imagine you could be the woman who finally…
paints the front door her favorite color, or whose grown kids call you just to talk and want to be
your friend, or who says out loud, I used to believe life happened to be,
now I create what I want in life. said those exact words.
All you have to do is decide and we’re here for you. We are ready for you. Come join us in the
Profitable Mindset Academy. All right, that’s it. I hope to see you inside.
